The scan has shown no signs of development since a week ago and the gestational sac still seemed empty (I guess that’s what is called a blighted ovum? Doctors didn’t use this terminology though).
I didn’t get to confirm or discard my fear. The doctor wouldn’t even zoom in into the sac to check if a fetal pole had developed. She went straight too, it’s to small, it’s not viable, we need to remove it as soon as possible. She seems to not be a big fan of I’m sorry‘s. The best I got out of her with my tears was a it’s normal that you feel sad. Thanks, I thought so, not everyone has a stone heart like yours.
There will be no chromosomal testing either. Doctor claims pregnancy isn’t developed enough for that (I thought the sac would have the same chromosomes as the embryo, so could be tested? I guess I’m wrong).
So the decision is another medical abortion with Cytotec. To be performed at home. Alone. As usual…
I managed to convince the doctor to draw our blood for the RPL testing today. One small victory. Better wait for the results before asking for the referral to the specialist clinic. One step at a time.
Looking at the drugs on my hands, too many difficult memories come to mind. I try to push them away (and ignore my fear) and focus on what needs to be accomplished. I decided it’s best to do it Friday. Until then, I’ll prepare for it: stock up the fridge, cook some meals, clean the bathroom and pick some movies on Netflix, to distract me in the time after inserting the pills, while waiting for the bleeding to start. Any suggestions?
On a funnier note, I got the painkillers in suppository form this time (not by choice). I’m becoming an expert in shoving things up my vagina, so why not try the back side too, right?!