(Un)expected answer

It’s been a tough week. I so wish I had nice or fun things to blog about, but it’s just not this kind of week. And I need to get it out of my chest.

I’ve been participating on a workshop since Monday, with 20+ other engineers from 3 different centres (countries) and different areas. I’m the only woman and the youngest in the group (most are at least 15 years older than I). Is that statement supposed to make me feel accomplished or proud? All I feel is like I don’t belong, alienated. It’s hard.

Today was the worse day work-wise. I had a terrible meeting during the morning. I had to suck it up hearing wrongful, hurtful comments that made me feel humiliated. At that moment I realised how much I’m unsatisfied with my job and how it’s contributing to my feelings of sadness and low energy. I used to love my work, where did that go?

The afternoon went better, we concluded the workshop and I left for the weekend, to relax and maybe think about what I want for my future, for my career. However, at home a letter was waiting for me. The answer from the RE I’ve been waiting for since Tuesday.

On Monday morning I called the fertility clinic as planned. I talked to a nurse and asked about my appointment and whether it could be advanced. The nurse discussed it with the RE and came back with the answer that it was a mistake, there’s no need for an appointment since my results are all normal and I should call them when I have my period so we can do a frozen embryo transfer cycle. That really pissed me off, I tried to argue that I’d like to discuss the results but she kept insisting there’s nothing to talk about, it’s all fine, call when you want to get pregnant again.

In the evening, my husband and I talked about it and concluded what we really wanted from that appointment was the referral to the specialist. So we decided, if she’s not willing to see us, to write her an email asking for the referral. And so we wrote very politely requesting it.

Today we received the answer. I was expecting her to maybe claim it isn’t her responsibility and we should ask our GP. I wasn’t expecting her to be so dismissive. Here’s a free translation of the letter (it’s written in the local language, so I can’t just copy it here):

Dear Recurrently Unlucky,

Thanks for your letter.

You have requested that we make you a referral to [name of the RPL specialist clinic] for treatment of recurrent miscarriage. Unfortunately I can’t do so.

The Fertility Clinic [name of the clinic] doesn’t make any referrals to [name of the RPL specialist clinic]. It’s believed that the treatments offered by [RPL specialist clinic] are too expensive and success rates are very low.

Couples with recurrent miscarriage often have normal blood test results. We don’t offer any other treatment options in our clinic besides trying to achieve pregnancy again. At often times, a pregnancy will eventually continue to term.

Best regards,

[Doctor’s name and signature]

It’s infuriating! How can they decide something like that? We fulfil the criteria for a referral, so there shouldn’t be any other question. If the treatments are expensive and inefficient why are they offered in the first place? They should simply close down the RPL clinic then. 

I’m so disappointed, angry, sad, worn out, I can’t even begin to describe it! My husband is even more so!

My last resort is my GP. I have an appointment on Thursday. I’ll ask her for the referral. If she denies it too, I’m going overseas. I will not, cannot, just try again!