Running off the wait

I’m back. Back home, back to work, back to our baby pursuit. 

I missed home. Missed my bed and the silent evenings – no honking or noise from cars. I didn’t miss work much. I can’t stop thinking about looking for another job. Sometimes I even flirt with the idea of stop working for a while altogether. In the meantime, I’m trying to not get so stressed about it. 

My bronchitis is a bit better, but not completely gone yet. I saw an allergist this week. I already had this appointment booked before going on vacation, so it’s not related to my latest issues. I was supposed to get tested to find out exactly which kinds of NSAIDs I’m allergic to, if only aspirin is a problem or other drugs as well, such as ibuprofen, which I have avoided all my life.

This was a new doctor, I’ve never met him before. I was quite nervous prior to the consultation, I guess due to some sort of doctor anxiety I’ve developed latetly after so many bad experiences with different REs and ObGyns. However I was very positively surprised. He was so nice and upbeat and most importantly, didn’t mind my questions. Our losses came up during the initial talk and he was quite understanding.

I ended up not having the tests done, though. He said it would be too dangerous, potentially life-threatening to carry them out without making sure my asthma is under control first. Well, as far as I know, it’s been under control for over 15 years. He’s not convinced. I’ve then been given the task to monitor my lung capacity by measuring and registering my peak flow 4 times a day in an asthma journal. The catch being, I need to go out and run everyday, attempting to trigger my asthma.

I naively expect doctors to heal us from our ailments, but apparently they can recommend us to get ourselves sick too. Doesn’t it sound fun, after all, running in icy weather every evening, trying as hard as I can to provoke an asthma attack so the doctor can know how bad it is? I’m an engineer, I can value data and analysis as much as the next scientist, but hoped doctors would be more careful with our health. 

On the plus side, I’ve been thinking of starting running again, so it’s a nice motivation (however I originally planned on running without triggering my asthma). I’ve put on quite a bit of weight since the last miscarriage. Basically, I stopped caring about what I was eating and have comforted some of my pain with lots of chocolate. The result is not surprising. 

I always stop exercising and switch to only walking when I’m trying to conceive or pregnant. This time, however, I think I’m on a long forced break, so I have time to get back in shape before starting treatment again. I hope to know more tomorrow.

After our RE refused to refer us to the RPL specialist, our last resort was our GP. I saw her about a couple of months ago and asked for the referral. She agreed, but didn’t follow the required procedure and attach all the test results necessary. It took us over a month, calling different doctors in different hospitals, to collect everything that was requested and send it to the specialist clinic. Stressful work that could’ve been avoided if only my GP would do her part. 

The good news is we managed to get it done just days before Christmas break, which means we qualified for starting the process now, in January, as opposed to in 3 or 4 months from now.

The first step is attending a mandatory information meeting at the clinic. This will happen tomorrow evening. They will explain us (and all other couples attending) what treatments they offer, which tests they run, etc. I also hope to get a better idea of the timeline. So far, they’ve only communicated that we can’t get an appointment with the doctor if we don’t attend this info meeting and that the consultation will be booked sometime within a couple of months after the meeting (so, from tomorrow).

I was quite frustrated when first hearing of this. I was hoping to have our first FET (frozen embryo transfer) in February or latest March. Now, I’m guessing it won’t happen before May, considering the first appointment is only in 2 months, which will be followed by testing, waiting for results, starting treatment (which often needs to take place up to 6 weeks before conceiving), until finally getting the OK to do the FET. 

I had moments when I wanted to give up on the doctors here and just try Barverman or some other RI abroad. Our pragmatism, however, is telling us to give it a chance. Having treatment locally (instead of abroad) is much more practical, and it being publicly funded (through our taxes), it’s basically ‘free’. We can always change our minds and try another RI later. For now, we’re going to stick with this specialist and see what they have to say tomorrow. With a bit of luck, there aren’t many couples awaiting treatment and we get an appointment in only a few weeks.

Until then, I’ll try to control my impatience by running (and hopefully triggering my asthma) and improving my diet.


8 thoughts on “Running off the wait

  1. A May FET? That’s a bit of a wait, I’d be feeling restless, too.

    I hope this night time running is a weird catalyst to you finding the joy in running again. I went back and back forth with my running and rpl these last four years. Actually, the last time I actually ran was a year ago. I miss it and like you had mixed feelings about it during treatment. And also ate after miscarriages to cope.

    Looking forward to more news and hearing about next steps.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The dates are only speculation at this point, I won’t really know until I have the appointment with the RI, which I’m hoping it’ll happen in less than 2 months! But it feels so far away, and we’re not getting younger.
      I’d gladly wait if I knew for sure that would be my take home baby, but I’m just afraid I still have to go through more losses before getting there… But we never know, the next might just be the one!
      Thanks for your support.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow you have so much going on and yet that feeling of waiting is so hard to deal with. I can completely understand the frustration of trying to get medical info together so you can get a second opinion. It’s so many hoops to jump through to try and uncover answers to our issues. I hope the wait to see the doctor is faster than a couple months, and I also hope you get answers (and of course it leads to a successful FET)!! Good luck with everything.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It feels like we’re always running against time, everything seems to take forever and we’re only getting older…
      I hope I can get a better idea of the timeline tonight, even if only by speculating based on the number of couples present.
      A successful FET is certainly the goal, but often feels so far away!


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